Adventures with Beards

Horrible content made by an awful man for terrible people



'Nam man.  NAM MAN. NAMAN.

Hey, it a palindrome.  PALINDROME.  PALADRIN.  PAULDRONS.  PALLARDIUM.  Sometimes I get palindrome confused with paladin, confused with pauldron, confused with palladium.  Since paladins can WEAR pauldrons MADE of palladium it makes it even worse.  Like if I ever run into a paladin with palladium pauldrons saying a palindrome I'd probably have a mental breakdown.

This has nothing to do with my TALE OF YARDWORK.

Today I talked to a landscaper who worked in VIETNAM doing YARD WORK.   In the JUNGLE.  See there are no YARDS in the JUNGLE.  The jungle IS THE YARD.  And you LANDSCAPE the WHOLE THING.

NAPALM is the main landscaping tool in Vietnam.

When they run out of napalm, they use PREDATOR'S SHOULDER LASERS to clear away unwanted shrubbery.

She said they didn't have gloves  in 'Nam to protect their hands from rakeburn.  They did Xtreme yardwork in HD Blu-ray.  They'd get blisters.  And then their blisters would get blisters, which would become callouses, and then if you get enough callouses over your body that is how you become a DRAGON LADY and join the circus and get back to America without being tarred and feathered as a desserter.  For those of you who don't know a desserter is a military term for someone who steals the last desserts of dying comrades and eats them in front of them, which a long time ago was decided by military leaders to be the biggest dick move ever.  So they take dessertsion pretty seriously.

I was inspired by her TALE of YARDWORK so I got out our pushmower and pushed across the yard twice before collapsing in fevered sweat and crawling inside while crying.

Thanks for sharing your TALE of YARDWORK.