Professional Elephant/Refrigerator Identifier for Hire

8/21/2014

I am a freelance elephant and refrigerator identifier. I should clarify that this means I am good at differentiating between the two categories. It does not mean I can tell you what type of refrigerator or elephant we are looking at. I only have some experience in this regard. I can tell you if the refrigerator or elephant is grey, or white, or angry, or asleep, but cannot get into much more detail than that.

I have a lifetime of experience in telling elephants and refrigerators apart. This skill was particularly handy when I served in the vanguard of the elephant and refrigerator war of 2008. In the melee, eyes covered in blood and freon, only a skilled elephant/refrigerator identifier was able to distinguish between the two factions, and prevent the two sides from self-inflicting casualties.

However I am only interested in civilian requests for elephant/refrigerator differentiation jobs. I do not wish to relive the horrors I witnessed in my military service.

To demonstrate my skills I have included two pictures I have successfully differentiated. The picture on the left is an elephant, and the one on the right is a refrigerator.